Gift money customs and thank-you gestures

What the custom is

In Korea, when you are invited to a wedding it is a long-standing custom to give money in an envelope as a gesture of congratulation. Behind it lies a tradition of mutual aid, in which neighbours and relatives each chipped in to share the burden of a household's big event. So gift money is both a present and a sign of a relationship in which giving goes both ways over time. Because of this, it carries not only good wishes but a sense of etiquette and fairness, which is why people agonise over how much to give. This guide covers the customs from both the giver's and the recipient's side.

Why there is no right amount

How much to give is the most common question, but there is no fixed answer. It depends on how close you are, whether you attend in person, whether you bring a companion, whether the person gave to you before, and what you can afford. Expectations also vary by region, generation and workplace. Amount charts circulating online can be a reference but not a rule. If you are unsure, matching others in the same relationship, or using what the person once gave you as a guide, are safe approaches. Above all, decide within what you can comfortably afford.

Envelopes and etiquette

It is considered polite to place crisp new notes in a clean envelope. The front often carries a phrase congratulating the couple, and the back carries the giver's name. Recipients sort the envelopes one by one after the wedding, so write your name legibly. In a workplace where several people may share a name, adding your team or company helps. At the venue, you hand the envelope in at the reception desk and sign the guest book.

• Put new notes in a clean envelope
• Write your name clearly on the back
• Add your team or relationship if useful
• Sign the guest book at the reception desk

When you cannot attend

Sometimes you are invited but cannot go. Common options are asking someone who is attending to take your envelope, or transferring money to an account and sending a congratulatory message separately. Some people give a different amount when not attending, since they will not be eating, but that too depends on the relationship. If circumstances prevent you from giving money, a sincere message of congratulation is enough to show you care. What matters is offering congratulations, however briefly, rather than not responding at all.

Recipients: keep accurate records

For the couple, the most important task is accurate record-keeping. Who gave what becomes the reference for thank-you messages and, later, for the other person's own celebrations. Sort the envelopes from the reception desk against the guest book on the day, and copy gifts received by bank transfer into the same table. Some envelopes lack a name or are hard to read, so the sooner you sort them the more accurate you will be. Because cash is involved, have two or more trusted people handle reception together and store the envelopes safely right away.

• Match envelopes against the guest book
• Record bank transfers in the same table
• Check unclear names on the same day
• Store cash safely right after reception

Thanks: a meal and a message

Serving a meal to guests who attend is the most basic form of thanks. Some couples also prepare return gifts for guests who leave without eating. Most important of all, though, is thanking people after the wedding. Without letting too much time pass, contact those who attended and those who sent gifts. Rather than sending the same text to everyone, adding even one line tailored to each person makes your gratitude come across better. Many couples also greet close friends and family with a small gift after returning from the honeymoon.

A relationship of give and take

Gift money does not end when you receive it; it continues as a relationship in which you give back at the other person's celebrations later. That is why keeping records for a long time matters. Years later, when you hear of someone's wedding or another happy event, referring to what they once gave reduces mistakes. Of course prices, circumstances and relationships change over time, so there is no rule that you must return exactly the same amount. The record is only a reference; consider the relationship and your feelings at that time as well.

What to agree on within the family

Gift money comes not only from the couple's guests but also from both sets of parents' guests. Families have different views on how to divide it, and it can become a source of conflict after the wedding. Some families give the parents the money their guests contributed; others divide it after settling wedding costs. Either way, discuss it beforehand. If you plan to cover wedding costs with gift money, share the settlement transparently with your families. When the process is clear, there are fewer hurt feelings, whatever the amounts.